Friday, April 20, 2012

A Terrible Case of the Alexa Funk

I am in an Alexa Funk. I absolutely HATE Alexa Funks. They generally come out of nowhere and overstay their welcome. The symptoms of an Alexa Funk are usually aimlessly walking around Walmart, obsessively cleaning for fun, and craving sleep. And there is NO cure of any kind. It comes around when it wants to and leaves after it has made my life a little more complicated. Kinda like thunderstorms on long class days. And boys.

I'm a night owl with a terrible, annoying case of insomnia. I LOVE to be awake, especially at night. But a week or so ago, I felt weird so I took some of my sleepy pills and got a good 10 hours of sleep. I woke up and, for the rest of the day, couldn't think about anything other than going back to sleep. Not because I was tired, just because I didn't want to be awake. Not in the depressed/I-don't-want-to-be-alive kind of way, just in the Alexa Funk kind of way. Then, I went to get a few things from Walmart and walked around aimlessly for OVER AN HOUR. And it wasn't just because those damn workers moved everything around again! If you know me, you know that I would rather drive nails up my arm (Steel Magnolias? Anyone?) than go to that place filled with psychotic mothers, screaming babies, and sketchy workers. If that doesn't scream Alexa Funk, just wait. It gets better. After Walmart, I came back to my closet-sized dorm room and cleaned the already spotless room. FOR FUN. I'm all about good hygiene and being clean, but let's not forget that I'm Rose Cacibauda's daughter. We are germ freaks and like to be clean, but we do NOT clean for fun. So in the middle of getting high off of Clorox wipes and wiping down the walls.. BAM. It hit me. Sleep, Walmart, cleaning for fun. That practically screams Alexa Funk.

Two weeks later, the Alexa Funk is STILL HERE! And this time it came with a side of homesickness, which explains the "my-internal-organs-just-got-pelted-with-stones" feeling. I thought I was just getting sick, but it went away as soon as I pulled into my driveway last weekend. Pre-college Alexa being homesick would not be surprising to anyone, but college Alexa doesn't get homesick! But suddenly I feel like Starkville is one of those choker necklaces that used to be in style. IT'S SUFFOCATING ME. But nothing is wrong! Nothing. My nonexistent boyfriend didn't dump me, I haven't made below an A on anything this semester, and I haven't been embarrassing myself anymore than usual. Girl World is still terribly confusing/stupid and I keep getting better at letting people walk all over me, but I'm also pretty good at being sarcastic and punching people in the face, so I think I'll manage. :) I am incredibly blessed in a million and ten ways, so what in the WORLD is going on?!

I've been doing ev-er-y-thing to try and make this Alexa Funk go away. Watching cheesy movies, running until my poor dysfunctional lungs stop working, letting some random guy teach me how to use the punching bag at the Sanderson. All kinds of weird things. I guess I could try those pills I got from the guy in the Walmart parking lot...

Just kidding. It was the Kroger parking lot. :)

In other news.. I've willingly listened to Justin Bieber's new song too many times, almost used the word "y'all" the other day, and miiiiiiight be considering taking out another loan and picking up another job so I can go through Rush in the fall. Yes.. Rush. For a sorority. A big group of girls. I know. (I also haven't told my mom yet because I couldn't form the words. So if you're reading this, Mom.. um.. surprise? Now just pretend I told you I'm moving to Russia, becoming a stripper, and having a baby. Now it doesn't seem so bad!)

I think I'm going through a midlife crisis.

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