Friday, September 6, 2013

Be Still.

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." -Exodus 14:14

A toy breaks, a shoe comes untied, shorts come unbuttoned, someone gets hurt, and suddenly one of my daycare kids is standing in front of me crying or whining their little heart out. I am trying to help and their little bodies are just running everywhere. They are restless and they can't stay in one spot for more than half of a second.

"Baby, hold on," I say. "Be still and I will pick it up for you." "You have to be still so I can put the band-aid on and make it better." "I can't help you if you aren't still for just a second." "I will fix it and make it better if you will just BE STILL for one minute."

Be still. Be still. BE STILL. Over and over and over again.

Those words come out of my mouth so many times a day at the daycare. Not because I expect 3 year olds to be capable of being still, but because I know that if they could just be still for five seconds, I could fix their ouchie, or get all of their water bottles out of the fridge, or hold them long enough to calm them down when they're crying.

Every day I am begging them to be still so I can do something for them or make something better for them. I was thinking about this on the way home yesterday when I was so overwhelmed. My kids were out of control, I have so much school stuff to work on, I work non-stop, I'm unsuccessfully trying to keep up with my fast-paced life while recovering from wrist surgery, and my wrist feels like there is a butcher knife in it 24/7. I go go go, and I am NEVER still.

It's a family trait. If you know my mom and Aunt Charlene, you understand.

This verse from Exodus is my favorite, and it popped into my head when I was driving home yesterday. And BAM. It's like Jesus was just chillin' on my dashboard. Oh HEY Alexa, I've just been sitting here waiting for you to notice me and stuff. It's cool, take your time.

I love to be in control of my own life. I worry about my future on a daily basis, and sometimes I worry about things that I don't even have control over. Here I am, trying to do everything by myself. I can't possibly cut back on my activities until my wrist heals, or ask for help when I can't do something with only one hand. Be still? I can't be still!

But that's exactly what I should be doing. I need to BE STILL. Because Jesus is all up in this joint, YA KNOW?

It's weird how much you actually end up learning when you are a teacher. Everything I tell my kids about being still is what He has told us. He has it covered, and the only thing we have to do is be still. I have it written all over the place. BE STILL, ALEXA. My wrist, my kids, my worries, my doubts. He said that He will FIGHT FOR YOU. We just have to step back and let Him do it.

And we ALL know how I feel about giving someone else all of the control.

I know I don't usually post about stuff like this, but I haven't blogged in forever because I can barely type and it's just been on my mind nonstop. I'm not usually public about my faith, because.. well.. it's MINE. But it's there.

I jokingly say "pray for me" on a daily basis, and I'm not big on really asking people for prayers. It's part of that whole I-refuse-to-ask-for-help-because-I-wanna-do-it-by-myself thing.

But if you're up for it, I could use a few. For peace, because there are things out of my control that are eating me alive. For healing, because my wrist hurts so bad that I've considered cutting it off once or twice. Or ten times. And for my wrist doctor, nurse, and physical therapist. Because they are super patient with me when I'm mentally swearing at them while they (very painfully) help my wrist get back to 100% and.. well.. GOD BLESS THEIR SOULS.

PS- I'm looking for a good devotional book that's very modern and easy to understand. What's your favorite one?